Thursday, February 7, 2008

Happy Pills

I take anti-depressants. There, I said it. Not that I'm ashamed, it's lost quite a bit of "stigma" over the years, thank goodness. I bring this up because, well, I guess I want to tell my story because I know so many out there can probably relate.

It started when I was a teenager. When I was first diagnosed, I thought it was cool. Look at me, I'm deep and I'm angsty. I had no problems whatsoever with taking the prozac every morning, my mother standing there watching closely, making sure I was actually taking the pills... and I was. And they worked.

But suddenly, I wasn't cool anymore... so, I stopped taking them. I sat around in my room all day, dressed in black of course, listening to Pink Floyd's The Wall or Nine Inch Nails and writing horrible "deep" poetry. I pondered society and their rules. It was society that was messed up, not me! These shrinks, these doctors... they want to turn everyone into robots! They want give everyone pills and make everyone happy! They want to "rearrange us 'till we're sane!"

It got worse when I was in college, because I went to an Art School, and I had to be depressed, because I had to be creative and deep... that was my mindset, anyway. Needless to say... I flunked out of Art School after one semester, because it does help if you actually show up to class instead of laying in bed all day thinking about how horible doctors are, how wrong society is, and how awesome it is to be emotional, deep, creative, you get the picture.

Everything changed when I became a mother. I grew up. Oh, I'd still like to think that on some level I am deep and creative, but now... I can get out of bed and do something with that ceativity. Now, I can be the mother that my little girl needs me to be. I love it. I was missing out on so much before, I was missing out on living my life...

Every day I happily gulp down my 40mg of Celexa, without my mother standing there with her hawk eyes... but with my little girl standing there with her big, blue, full of wonder and life eyes, wondering what fun activity I'll have planned for the day.

7 comments:

ignat62 said...

I'm glad you're in a happy place with the help of your happy pills. I think I need happy pills.

Scylla said...

You gave me shivers! I am glad you are happily taking them now.

As soon as I am done nursing, I plan on seeing about anti anxiety meds.

My friend is a psych guru, and she seems to think it is warranted in my case.

Some days I wish I could start them now.

Juliana RW said...

I also glad you are ok now. Sometimes i also stress or depress (my hubby said), but i don't take pills or something. Because i never consult with any doctor about my strees :D

have a nice weekend, Mandy

Kelly said...

I'm sorry you went through all that. I'm really glad you are in a good place. Hearts!

Crunchy Domestic Goddess said...

i was on anti-anxiety meds while trying to get pregnant with my daughter. sometimes i feel like i might still need something. good for you for doing what you need to do to be a happy person. :)

Tammy said...

Hey there,

I saw that someone (you?) had gotten to my blog through yours. I think maybe through NaBloPoMo.

In any case, I like your blog. I write a food blog, but I am also a mom of a 3 year old. AND I take 40mg of Celexa. AND I call them my Happy Pills! :) I also started them as soon as I stopped nursing my son.

Well, my dumb prescription ran out on Thursday, so needless to say, I am READY TO KILL SOMEONE!

Thanks for sharing. Check out my blog if you have time: http://www.bostonfoodandwhine.blogspot.com

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