13 Things Your Sales Associate Won't Tell You

Based on the popular readers digest "13 things your __________ won't tell you" I bring you my version, 13 things your friendly retail sales associate won't tell you during the crazy holiday season.

1. If you are shopping anytime between the day after Thanksgiving and about a week or two after Christmas, EXPECT TO WAIT! Don't get mad at ME because, GASP! There is a store full of people and you actually have to wait for 10 minutes... the weekend after Thanksgiving!

2. I'm sorry if sometimes I seem a wee bit cranky. I am friendly and bouncy and cheerful 99% of the time, not my fault if you caught me during that inevitable 1% moment... I've been dealing with rude customers, huge crowds, noise, running back and forth, god forsaken mall xmas music ALL DAY, and really... it's nothing personal. Unless, of course, you were rude to me first. Then? It's personal.

3. Please don't stay after we close because we're too nice to kick you out. It's after 11, we've been here all day, we want to go home, the gate is down and the lights are half off... can't you hear our heavy sighs through your bombardment of questions? Can't you take a hint or 10? Come back another time. Please.

4. Every customer is important.. not just YOU. Stop expecting special treatment. We treat our customers well, we try our best to show great customer service to ALL our customers, but we treat all our customers the SAME. You can't get your photos in 10 minutes instead of an the typical hour, you can't get 50% off that tripod or camera bag just because you are a "regular" customer.

5. That joke about the item being FREE if it doesn't scan the first time? So. Not. Funny.

6. If you have to bring all 7 of your kids into our tiny store full of highly expensive and breakable merchandise, could you PLEASE parent them so we don't have to? And could you maybe NOT stay for an hour while ignoring the fact that they are hitting each other over the head with our tripods and tossing glass photo frames around like footballs?

7. When I ask you if you'd like a bag with that, please, for the love of GOD, don't say "No I already have one, she's out in the car!"

8. Items sell out. They do. Especially when it's a really good deal. Don't get all huffy just because It's in the AD but we have none in stock. There's no conspiracy against you where we are holding all the merchandise in the back room just to tick you off.

9. Speaking of back rooms, I know what we have and don't have, on the floor AND in the back. Don't ask me to please check for you when I have already told you there are none back there. I am not just being lazy, I am not lying, we really don't have any back there!

10. We will be a LOT nicer to you if you are nice to us!

11. Don't bitch at me because wallymart or betterbuy has a lower price than we do. Go there, then. I don't set the prices. I'm not personally trying to rip you off. Oh, you can order it online for hundreds less? GREAT! Have fun trying to get personal service if you have a problem with your purchase. Mr. Internet will be a great help, I'm sure.

12. In the photo lab, sometimes our machines break. The world is an imperfect place, screws fall out all the time. I'm very sorry, but please, don't take it out on ME. I did not purposely break our equipment just to make your life hell.

13. If you know you need to special order something, DO IT EARLY!! I can't help it if you wait until a week before xmas, and it doesn't come in time!! I'm not the one who procrastinated, YOU are!!

Happy Holiday Shopping All! And please, show some cheer and respect to all the retail workers you come in contact with this season.... they are working LONG hours, overtime, and dealing with a lot!!